Hey Girl, I'd pay one Fattened Sow for your hand in Marriage.

Let's put a rock on your finger.

I'm like the Plague. You can't avoid me!

No one can win over your affections, for I am the hunk with the trunk.

Yes, I’m a magician. Watch me disappear clothing!

Mmmmmm....I love a girl who bathes at least once a month...

Wow, that's some blade you've got; mind if I touch it?

You make me so hot, I think I need a course of leeches.

Your poorly thatched hut, or mine?

Oh fair maiden with lips of fire, blesseth thee with thy bosoms.

Tis not a dagger in my purse, m'lady.

Would you like to come and wield my two-handed sword, milady?

Excuse me madam, I'm looking for somewhere to sheathe my sword. Might you be of assistance?

Your Personality is horrendous but our Family's political alliance is for the good of the kingdom.

No, I'm actually a wizard. Want to see my crystal balls?

Your so beautiful, you have to worth more then three cows...

Your Birthing Hips will ensure my bloodline will continue.

Dang! Your fortress certainly has plenty of buttresses.

Milady, I bet you'd look nice in some maternity armor.

I never like to keep my sword sheathed. I must ever be ready for action.

Are you a wizard? Because whenever I see you, my spellbook starts to tingle.

Like Marcellus Wallace, I wanna get Medieval or your ass!

Girl you know I'm all about that cocklebread, know what I'm sayin?

Are you a dragon? Because you've set my heart on fire with your enchanting charm.

Wanna see my sword?

"Are you a dragon? Because my heart just ignited like a medieval castle on fire when I saw you!"

What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it?

Did it hurt when you fell from the castle tower? Because you've enchanted this knight's heart.

Does the vaulted ceiling match the catacombs?

Are you a wizard? Because you cast a spell on me with your enchanting beauty.

"Oh absolutely, I would have arrived in a shining suit of armor... but the dry cleaner's closed. Curse that medieval laundry!"

Can I put my dragon in your dungeon?

I wish to marry you for love. For that reason I have been disowned and exiled.

We will make the most handsome of children.

May I show you a fascinating Saracen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin?

Did you cast a love potion on me? Because I can't resist your enchanting charm.

The word of the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the word.

Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.

If I were a knight, I would gladly joust for your affection. Shall we go on a quest together?

If I were a knight, I'd joust for your heart and slay any dragons in your honor.

Are you a wizard? Because every time I see you, my spells get a little hotter.

Girl, you must have the plague because those are some fine-looking buboes.

It's not the size of your sword but what you can do with it.

I'm from Nuremberg, but I'm a master at more than singing.

I am the strongest man in my village!

Dear sir, you've been injured in battle? I'll be your head chambermaid.

Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.

Looks like my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.

May I show you a fascinating Saracaen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin?

Milady you can ride my horse. I must tell you, he's a wild one!

Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.

Mlle. Darc, thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire?

My goat bite is no longer infected, so would you like to dance?

My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds.

My that's a fine set of chalices you have there.

My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it.

Oh yea baby- black plague, leprosy, or scarlet fever- honey, I've got the cure for you.

Oh, my sweet Knight! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

Paint on your shield "Smile if you want to sleep with me" and watch the wenches try to keep straight faces.

Say, Princess, I'm very good at poking people with long pointy objects.

So...been to any good hangings lately?

That's a nice chastity belt you're wearing. My blacksmith friends and I can help you out of it.

The first time I saw thee, I felt as if my stomach had been raided by beautiful fire breathing dragons. Uh..in a nice way of course.

The inquisitor: So, witch...up to you. Either you burn at the stake...or I use my stake to make you burn.

They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.

They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.

Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!

What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?

What a fine set of chalices you have.

What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass?

What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?

When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.

When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched.

Where am I from, milady? Nantucket of course!! Shall I prove it to you?

Why don't we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller's Tale?"

Why storm the castle when we can make our own?

Would thoust be interested in viewing mine buttshaft?

Would you care to see my longsword in action?

Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!

You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel. Only it wasn't my hair that the queen asked me to let down.

You know... I got my armor in Extra-Large just so I could fit the both of us in here. What do you say?

You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?

You scratch my boils and I'll scratch yours.

You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.

You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail?

You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!

Been there, slain that.

You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?

Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.

Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me cross.

Your hovel or mine?

Hey w**... the rodent in my pocket wants to eat at your cheeze.

I am beset by this dragon in my l**..., and only you can quench its fire!

Sword fighting is like _everything_ else : it's all in your t**....

w**...: What's that sound? Knight: That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.

Why, I once speared 10 of them with a single t**....

You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.

Can I hose down your doublet?

I've been VERY NAUGHTY. You'll have to put me in the stocks and "PUNISH" me, now won't you?

If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.

Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?

Pestilence makes the heart go wander.

Wizard: You know, my hat isn't the on ly thing that's pointed.

Wanna polish my pike?

I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have kiss with frogs?

I seem to have lost my kiss s**..., can I borrow you for a bit?

In medieval times my beer belly would be a sign of prosperity and attractiveness, what do you think?

A day just wouldn't be complete without a Knight.

A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery.

And you thought the Romans had the only impressive aqueducts.

C'mon, sweetie...Didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away.

Come up and see my scrolls.

Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.

Darling, these Trojans are rather painful. We may need some oil for this armor.

Do you practice safe hex?

Don't believe the rumors you heard about me. The Bubonic plague didn't affect my important parts.

Don't worry. If you kiss me, I won't turn into a frog.

Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor.

Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook.

Excuse me, Milady, would you have a place where I may sheath my longsword?

Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!

Fair Maiden, your cups runneth over.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple?

Hey baby, King Arthur isn't the only one with a big round thing. How 'bout coming up and waxing mine?

Hey, baby, wanna chain my mail?

Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?

Hey, milady,if you think that horse is gifted.

Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?

Honest, milady, it will help clear up the pox marks.

How about coming around the back and giving me a good reason to come back from the crusades?

How about going out with a guy who doesn't have the plague for a change?