Do you know the similarities between noodles and women?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

If i had 4 quarters for the 4 prettiest whamen *ahem* women in the world.....

You'd have a dollar

Hey let’s play titanic

You will be the iceberg and I’ll go down on you.

I like my women like I like my Oreos...

Held under the surface until the bubbles stop...

I like my women like I like my laptop

On my lap, turned on, and virus free.

I might be wasted tonight, but the condom in my purse doesn’t have to be.

Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?

Are you feeling a little down? I can help feel you up.

You look like a really hard worker. I have an opening you can fill.

I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!

I like my women like I like my soup: Hot, Creamy, and no stranger to spooning.

What’s the most intense kiss thing you ever did? You ever, uh, been with two women at the same time?

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus

Then, you must be from Saturn because all I want is to put a ring on you

Do you think it’s loud in here? *Yeah, it is!* Do you want to use my thighs as earmuffs?

My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency.

Wanna go back to my place and save me?

I like my women like I like spelling Mississippi... With four eyes.

Could you help me stick something down my throat

So I can test my gag reflex

Hey, what’s your name? I need to know what I’ll be screaming tonight.

Well, hey there! I sure don’t need a spoonful of sugar to swallow you.

I like my women how I like my coffee…

Strong and able to stand out on their own

I like my women like I like my memes

Dead

I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

Women like me like their Netflix subscription

They come to me only when they need me.

Do you like whales? Because we could go h**... back at my place.

Did you break the glass ceiling for women when you fell from heaven?

I like my women how I like my vodka.

Strong, bitter, and deadly.

Hey! Do you want to do 68? *What?* You go down on me, and I owe you 1.

You’re pretty cute. But do you know what would make your face look better? If I sat on it.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dropped in my lap while I'm screaming expletives at the car next to me

I'm not wearing any socks. And I have the panties to match.

You look familiar. Have we had kiss before? "No" Well, we should.

Are you a supermarket sample? 'Cause I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.

I like my women like I like my stouts: Smooth, Rich, and Always making me come back for more.

Are you a taxidermist? Ok, wanna try stuffing my kitty anyway?

You’re definitely on my to-do list tonight.

I like my women, fishy!

Study says women heart beat faster then men

But when I see you I can prove this study wrong

I like my women like i like my firearms

Tightly held in my arms

I can s**... a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose.

Are you the online order I placed a few days ago? Cause I’ve been waiting for you all day.

Am I on an episode of 'Fix This House'? Because I’ve never seen hardwood like that in real life.

Those are some nice pants!

Mind if I test the zipper?

I like my women like I like my Scotch: aged in a barrel.

I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!

Breathe if you want to have kiss with me tonight.

Those pants look great on you. But they’d look even better on my floor.

I like my women like I like my shoes with my toes inside them.

I like my women like I like my whiskey

12 years old and mixed up with coke.


Just Jokes btw... maybe there’s a different sub for these kind of jokes that I’m not aware of though.

Wanna go back to my place and watch p**... on my flat screen mirror?

Most women say I’m quite Amazing, Spectacular and Sensational in bed.

If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?

If I would’ve known I’d be getting this wet tonight, I would’ve worn my bikini.

Women are usually impressed when I tell them I have a giant horse c**....

In my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people... can I practice on you?

I have a lot of experience catching women who’ve been thrown off their feet, feel free to fall.

I know why they call it a beaver. Because I'm dying for some wood.

I hope you like bacon, because women call me a pig.

I am like a buffet to women, because they always are coming for seconds.

Do you eat tacos? Because my Taco Bell is open.

Can I borrow a kiss?

I swear I’ll give it back.

Is it wet in here, or is it just my v**...?

You're just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.

I like my women like I like my glasses: Thick and black.

You know what would make your face look better? If I sat on it.

I like my women like I like wine

7 years old and trapped in a cellar in my basement

You know how I'm better than the titanic? Only 109 women went down on that vessel.