Do you know the similarities between noodles and women?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

If i had 4 quarters for the 4 prettiest whamen *ahem* women in the world.....

You'd have a dollar

Hey let’s play titanic

You will be the iceberg and I’ll go down on you.

I like my women like I like my Oreos...

Held under the surface until the bubbles stop...

I like my women like I like my laptop

On my lap, turned on, and virus free.

I might be wasted tonight, but the condom in my purse doesn’t have to be.

Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?

Are you feeling a little down? I can help feel you up.

You look like a really hard worker. I have an opening you can fill.

I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!

I like my women like I like my soup: Hot, Creamy, and no stranger to spooning.

What’s the most intense kiss thing you ever did? You ever, uh, been with two women at the same time?

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus

Then, you must be from Saturn because all I want is to put a ring on you

Do you think it’s loud in here? *Yeah, it is!* Do you want to use my thighs as earmuffs?

My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency.

Wanna go back to my place and save me?

I like my women like I like spelling Mississippi... With four eyes.

Could you help me stick something down my throat

So I can test my gag reflex

Hey, what’s your name? I need to know what I’ll be screaming tonight.

Well, hey there! I sure don’t need a spoonful of sugar to swallow you.

I like my women how I like my coffee…

Strong and able to stand out on their own

I like my women like I like my memes

Dead

I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

Women like me like their Netflix subscription

They come to me only when they need me.

Do you like whales? Because we could go h**... back at my place.

Did you break the glass ceiling for women when you fell from heaven?

I like my women how I like my vodka.

Strong, bitter, and deadly.

Hey! Do you want to do 68? *What?* You go down on me, and I owe you 1.

You’re pretty cute. But do you know what would make your face look better? If I sat on it.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dropped in my lap while I'm screaming expletives at the car next to me

I'm not wearing any socks. And I have the panties to match.

You look familiar. Have we had kiss before? "No" Well, we should.

Are you a supermarket sample? 'Cause I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.

I like my women like I like my stouts: Smooth, Rich, and Always making me come back for more.

Are you a taxidermist? Ok, wanna try stuffing my kitty anyway?

You’re definitely on my to-do list tonight.

I like my women, fishy!

Study says women heart beat faster then men

But when I see you I can prove this study wrong

I like my women like i like my firearms

Tightly held in my arms

I can s**... a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose.

Are you the online order I placed a few days ago? Cause I’ve been waiting for you all day.

Am I on an episode of 'Fix This House'? Because I’ve never seen hardwood like that in real life.

Those are some nice pants!

Mind if I test the zipper?

I like my women like I like my Scotch: aged in a barrel.

I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!

Breathe if you want to have kiss with me tonight.

Those pants look great on you. But they’d look even better on my floor.

I like my women like I like my whiskey

12 years old and mixed up with coke.


Just Jokes btw... maybe there’s a different sub for these kind of jokes that I’m not aware of though.

Wanna go back to my place and watch p**... on my flat screen mirror?

I like my women like I like my shoes with my toes inside them.

If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?

Most women say I’m quite Amazing, Spectacular and Sensational in bed.

If I would’ve known I’d be getting this wet tonight, I would’ve worn my bikini.

Women are usually impressed when I tell them I have a giant horse c**....

In my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people... can I practice on you?

I have a lot of experience catching women who’ve been thrown off their feet, feel free to fall.

I know why they call it a beaver. Because I'm dying for some wood.

I hope you like bacon, because women call me a pig.

I am like a buffet to women, because they always are coming for seconds.

Do you eat tacos? Because my Taco Bell is open.

Can I borrow a kiss?

I swear I’ll give it back.

I like my women like I like my glasses: Thick and sturdy.

You're just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.

I like my women like I like my glasses: Thick and black.

You know what would make your face look better? If I sat on it.

I like my women like I like wine

7 years old and trapped in a cellar in my basement

I like my boba like I like my women, hot and soft.

You know how I'm better than the titanic? Only 109 women went down on that vessel.

If all women have flawless hair like yours, hairdressers will go out of business!

Do you like ice cream? I like my ice cream like I like my women.

Dripping down my fingers while I lick them.

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Richard?

I think I am losing my hearing, because women keep on screaming into my ear every night.

Are you john?

Cuz I've never Cena women like you

I like my women like I like my coffee...

Creamed.

Do you know what would look really good on you? Me.

I’m not much of a wine girl. I prefer moans.

I'm French h**... for your tromboner.

Did you know women typically reach their s**... prime in their 30s and 40s? And you are ripened!

They called me Ms. Dyson in college. Because I handle super smoothly and I love s**....

Are you Richard? Because I've been looking for a d**... all day

Your b**... is giving my n**... an e**...

I like my women like I like my rice

White and s**... (works better if you're asian)

Women usually say I'm Amazing, Spectacular and Sensational in bed.

I like my women like I like my doughnuts - HOT and HOLY!

I’m not wearing any socks. And I have the underwear to match.

My body is a movie and your p**... is the star!

Are you a taxidermist? OK, wanna try stuffing my p**... anyway?

I like my women how I like my fridges

In the kitchen

Are you a candle? Because I'm going to blow you.

Do you do carpeting? Because I'm looking for a deep s**...

For women to men: are you a monkey? 'Cause I'd love to peel your banana

;)

Women should always stick together, thigh to thigh.

How do you like your sausage in the morning... grilled or blown?

I prefer my women to be positional player rather than material.

I want your flesh rocket in my hot pocket.

Hey, you look like a big strong guy. You think you could handle my p**... or is it too much for you?

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the c**... out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

I could hear your c**... talking and it just told me to blow you.... a kiss!

Are you a car? Because every time I see you, my heart revs up like a engine.

"Are you a shooting star? Because your smile lights up the whole universe. Happy Women's Day!"

Do you know why women call me the plumber

Because of how well I lay the pipe down

Major in anatomy, minor in women's studies, and follows with extension courses. Want to study with me tonight?

I appreciate someone who’s confident and has a great sense of humor. But honestly, it’s that spark that really catches my attention. What about you?

"Your smile could light up a room, but it's your love for women that truly illuminates my world."

I love how genuine you are. It's rare to find someone who sparks my curiosity as much as you do. That’s why I chose you!

"Darling, if you're the mayo, then I'm the pickle eagerly waiting to spice up your life with my charm."

"Maybe it's a little unconventional, but I believe in making a memorable first impression with charm."

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. Happy Women's Day!

Fact: Most women look more attractive when naked. Prove me wrong.

Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, I can't help but smile. Happy Women's Day!

"If all women are as captivating as you, I’m ready to explore the universe of charm together."

"Are you a magician? Because every time I see your story, everyone else disappears... including my ex!"

I like my women how I like advent calendars

Against the wall, flaps open and ready to be eaten

"Four heroines bold, a sight to behold, breaking the mold. Your bravery has my heart sold, a tale to be told."

"Wow! Sounds like you're quite popular. I must say I'm intrigued, but I aim to be the apex of your daily highlights."

"I believe in making a lasting impression from the start, wouldn't want you to forget about me later."

"Honestly, it’s your vibe—there's a spark in our conversation that feels rare. I’m drawn to your energy and authenticity; it stands out!"

I’d say I’m into women who are adventurous and can hold a deep conversation. How about you? What’s your ideal match like?

Are you a toxic teammate? Because you make my heart race and my blood pressure rise.

You must be a rare drop, because you're the ultimate prize in my game.

"Well, with so many choices, it's your sparkling personality that caught my attention. It outshines them all."

"If they returned you, does that mean I'm free to make my move? Because I definitely remember you."

"It’s simple, really. You stood out in a sea of profiles. Your passion for life and genuine smile drew me in—hard to resist!"

Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest! Happy Women's Day!

I like my women like I like my tequila. And, of course, that whole worm thing.

"Well, looks like you've had an exciting day. Here's hoping our chat adds a unique twist."

I always take my clothes off before picking up women. I can't have my wife smelling you on me when I go home, can I.

I'd like to name a multiple o**... after you.

It's simple really—you caught my eye with your passion and humor. I felt an instant spark that I couldn’t ignore!

"Your smile lights up the room like sunshine on a rainy day, you're truly radiant."

If being beautiful was a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence. Happy Women's Day!